Theme song for this post~ Ramones, Outsider
Basically, there's times when I just want to "be" and don't know what I should say or do or who to say or do it with... It's like you just wanna relax and be yourself, but even with a million friends, it's like you sometimes feel like you don't have a place to fall when you wanna "find zero". I've been saying that for years and years--"find zero"--it's something that I say when I want to reach that incredible feeling of peace that we all get when we feel content in where we are and in what we're doing; it's really not that easy to find and keep, so I enjoy it when I arrive there... at zero.
the big question
How do you manage to fit all of the different qualities of yourself--your interests/hobbies-- into your life and friendships? Do you have a small circle of friends that just "get" you or do you have different groups of friends or maybe social media outlets for finding those niche groups for sharing the different interests of yours?
Do you think it's possible that when we feel so "out of place," that we're really just having trouble navigating our own mind and we are, in fact, not out of place at all? Maybe, people actually want to talk to us about whatever even though we think they wouldn't care...? Maybe, I need to spend more time meditating and/or creatively. I think I think too much and put too much pressure on myself. #introvertprobs
Thankful for knowing people like this (in the photo)
xoxo,
I feel out of place sometimes, but not for more than a day or two. It's a lousy feeling.
ReplyDeletethat's how it goes with me, too; it's random
ReplyDeleteI think I felt that way when I was losing my dad. It was because I wasn't sweating the small stuff that everyone else was. I have different groups of friends too though.
ReplyDeleteNow and then it happens. Still nice to have the one that makes it better
ReplyDeleteyes, I do have a VERY small group of friends that get me :) I have a crazy sense of humor and when others laugh with me about my sense of humor, then I know I will be friends with them forever!
ReplyDeleteI felt that way early on in life, and then at other times the older I get. I still do on occasion and it IS a sucky feeling.
ReplyDeleteI fit in with my big family. We do not have many outside friends.. maybe cause they don't understand us ;-)
ReplyDeleteAll the time. We feel out of place because we don't have kids. We want them, did years of treatment, but were not successful. It is really tough when all of your friends only do kids activities.
ReplyDeleteI feel more like I have separate groups of friends. I've tried to mix them together but there are just those people who you know won't get along. I love when the mixing goes well though
ReplyDeleteGrowing up I always felt out of place. Now, not so much. having a spouse helps. And I just hope I can help my son through that should he ever feel out of place, I never had guidance during those days, I hope he will.
ReplyDeletethanks!
Mitch
I have definitely had phases in my life where I felt like I did not fit in. Sometimes I still go through them!
ReplyDeleteI think we all go through that. It is not easy but now, I am thankful for those I have in my life.
ReplyDeleteI felt like everything was a perfect fit in my life and I loved it when we lived in south Florida (which we did for many years). We moved north 7 years ago and I've never really felt that I was in my place. I feel out of step with everyone, and everything. Things are always a bit 'off' and it's odd. I have found things to love though (like every season but winter), and I appreciate those, a lot. :)
ReplyDeleteI think we all have times when certain people understand us but noone else does. SO glad my husband is one who always "gets" me.
ReplyDeleteThis is definitely relatable. I think in those moments when we're think we're the only one who feels that way, we're definitely *not* the only one who feels that way, if that makes any sense. :)
ReplyDeleteI have never really felt like I don't belong. I avoid situations that make me feel that way or I just step up to the plate
ReplyDeleteSometimes the outside looking in can be fun too, if nothing else, you not feeling comfortable with that feeling, means you need some kind of change in your life, and that's OK too! :-)
ReplyDeleteI think everyone feels out of place at some point in their life. To have that someone that "gets it" it so important though.
ReplyDeleteAs I've gotten older, I've found my tribe in blogging and other bloggers. I'm a designer by trade, and while we still have many of the same friends as we "used to", I'm starting to branch out!
ReplyDeleteThis was an interesting article. I liked being able to see the world through your perspective which is different from mine.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest i do not ever go out of my way to fit in.I am happy as i am and if people do not like me or want me to change it will never happen.I am lucky my hubs and myself are very alike in this way so he understands.
ReplyDeleteSame. I have made so, so many genuine friendships online (through writing and commenting other writers). There really is a sense of community that I embrace and enjoy, because we all have something in common from the start-- we're writers. I love how many niche blogs there are and how many simply "nice people" there are in the blog world.
ReplyDeleteI think so, too, because we're always growing and changing and going through things. I have the same friends I've had since I was in school, so I can be "me" around them. It really is nice to have someone that gets you; you can let your guard/wall down.
ReplyDeleteMakes perfect sense. :)
ReplyDeleteThat really is a blessing. I agree with you, too.
ReplyDeleteyes! It's the same with me. I was content until a few years ago when everything changed and now I'm constantly wondering where I belong--should I move, should I just find different types of friends, should I use online forums for my personal interests/discussions, should I just drop everything and start from scratch? I feel like a fish out of water where I live; I'm not really into the common recreational activities or way of life/thinking around here and everything is a long drive apart--which makes it more complicated/frustrating. I love everyone here, but I just feel "out of step" as you say and as I say, too. It's hard to put this stuff in writing without it sounding sad, when it's not sad at all; it's just a phase in life. Your sincerity is refreshing. xo.
ReplyDeletelife is always changing and we must change with it, right :)
ReplyDeletethat's what I was getting at--is it common for people to have many groups of friends (online and off) for the many different parts of them, or is it more common to find a "perfect package" in a small group of friends. I agree with you that we need more than one group to feel satisfied. Thanks for your insight.
ReplyDeleteso true. I have separate groups, too (and my parents are divorced and remarried, which leads to even more groups of people). I love when the mixing goes well, too :)
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely. When your mind is on something that's connected to your heart, you really don't get wrapped up in the smaller/regular life stuff. It feels like you're completely floating above the routine of "normal life," sometimes, as you're trying to handle things. I'm on/off going through that feeling as well, but with other things. Sorry about your dad. Thank you for sharing your story with me.
ReplyDeleteit sure is :)
ReplyDeletelol tell me about it! I'm always making jokes, scenarios and impersonating things, so I totally get where you're coming from! I've had the same close group of friends since I was in school; I don't even have to look nice around them ;)
ReplyDeleteWe never really outgrow any feelings, I think. And this is perfectly normal, too, because things are always changing. As one of my favorite quotes goes "Wherever you go, there you are."
ReplyDeleteme either, Kay. I've tried to explain that to other people about dating/marriage: If you like someone for who they are, then don't ask them to be who they are not. If you love an artist, let them paint; If you love a musician, let them play. etc. It's a blessing for someone to have a spouse/partner that gets you and lets you be yourself.
ReplyDeletegood advice. The outside looking in is where many people spend their time; that really is fine, especially for introverts. For me, it's not about feeling like no one in the world understands me (see: teen angst), it's about my life has changed so much over the last few years, that I feel like I've outgrown my regular circle of friends and activities. I was curious if other people in this situation find new friends or just keep more to themselves/go online to find others who share the same interests/challenges/hobbies. Change is often good.
ReplyDeleteThat's such a blessing. :) Getting through uncomfortable situations is definitely part of life. For the most part, we should all go where we are happy and appreciated, right.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind comment, Janeane :)
ReplyDeleteyour honesty is nice. It really is just a phase for most people, but it's almost taboo to admit it for some reason. I had second thoughts about writing this, but was curious as to other's thoughts and choices on the matter. thank you for your comment.
ReplyDeleteI often feel like this. And then I remind myself that I don't feel comfortable with large groups anyway. I have a few friends who really get me and that's good enough for me!
ReplyDeleteI think people are so online that we are becoming anti-social. I wish we could get back to being to talk to people instead of texting people.
ReplyDeleteI hear ya on the just wanting to be. You are not alone.
ReplyDeleteI have a ton of different types of groups that fit all of my different interests... because some just don't mix. I don't have any "me time" to really get out into real life, I'm just too busy with my kids - but I am very social online and I'm okay with that.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in HS, I thought that I was just an acquired taste kind of person. In college- I was sure of it. Now that I am in my 30s, I have found a group of people what are also acquired taste kinda people. They are the best kind of friends that I could ask for- well worth the wait!
ReplyDeleteI'm one of those people content to have my family around but it is wonderful and icing on the cake to have such a great group of people I can connect with as well.
ReplyDeleteI have a really big family who are all close by, and a few really close friends that I spend my time with. Then I also have my blogging / online friends that keep me company on social media.
ReplyDeleteI have a really big family scattered through the state. Very few out of state but I never see them. I was born in MI but spent pretty much my whole like in OK. I just moved back to MI a few years ago. I have been struggling to find my place in this new world so I can totally relate to that.
ReplyDeleteI think that's why I like to be alone a lot. I feel most centered when I'm not worrying about where I fit.
ReplyDeleteI do sometimes feel out of place but I feel connected to my close family and friends. I feel that they really get me and I can be myself with them.
ReplyDeleteI can't appreciate where you are coming from. It's so hard to find that delicate balance of it all and to find zero too. I guess, you have to just find what works best for you.
ReplyDeleteI for sure have different groups for my different hobbies/niches. I've got the church friends, the long-time besties, the co-workers, blogging friends, and hygienist friends. I think there's always a different reason to go to different people - But I do get to that point sometimes where I wish I could share something and I just don't know WHICH group to share with. But it all works out in the end :)
ReplyDeleteHaving brought up three kids I never really felt out of place with who am I, once they started getting older I started working on myself and who I am. My husband and I are best friends, makes me feel great.
ReplyDeleteI have always been comfortable with myself. I haven't always fit in, but I've always had a place where I belong. It's important to know that. I am very different than my friends, but we are friends because we love each other's company. My husband is my buddy through and through. We are opposites and we come together in love.
ReplyDeleteI struggle with trying to please everyone all of the time, and trying to fix everyone's problems. I rarely take the time to focus on myself and it's something I've been trying to work on more these days.
ReplyDeleteThanks for giving me something to think about it! We all struggle with our self worth every day.
ReplyDeleteword. I love my family so much--my brothers are hilarious! My best friends live out of town, but they have been coming around here for years, so they're like family when they visit (everyone gets along with them and they're treated like family, too)--friendship is definitely the icing on the cake :)
ReplyDeleteI love this! I think I fit into this category, too. There are very few people that I can be completely, unguarded "me" around and when that happens, it feels like heaven on earth. It's so nice to be completely you and not have to explain yourself or feel like a moron. You sound awesome! :)
ReplyDeleteyes and yes (too busy)! Thank goodness for the internet! I love the people that I meet through blogging, youtube and even facebook/twitter. It's really opened doors that weren't there before the internet was a "way of life." I like having different groups for different interests, too; I'm glad that this is a common thing to do and I'm not being too complicated :) #feelingnormal
ReplyDeleteit's the best :) Gotta have time to relax and not be on your best behavior all the time.
ReplyDeletetell me about it! I love the ability to find others online who share my interests, but I really hate that I don't see my friends as much as I did before we all went "digital." I haven't heard some of their voices in years, but we talk all the time online. It's becoming a Wall-E world, no doubt.
ReplyDeletequality over quantity is the way to go! I don't care for big groups of people when I'm wanting to hang out, either. I like big groups (shopping in a store, for example) when I'm out and about by myself, though, because it's like being with someone even when you're not (if that makes sense). But, I don't like being around huge groups for birthday parties or social gatherings etc. I'm like you--I'd much rather have a smaller group of close friends for socializing.
ReplyDeleteTime alone is not so bad, is it? I love the peacefulness of the house in the morning when it's just me and nothing is on--no tv, no music, nothing. I miss that serene sound of birds chirping and the leaves rustling in the wind. I also like wind chimes :) It really is a wonderful "centering" experience to hang out with yourself =) Friends for socializing; alone for relaxing.
ReplyDeleteI definitely struggle with fitting in. I just need to not let others control my worth!
ReplyDeleteI am definitely a person that likes to be with family and maybe some close friends. I'm just more comfortable.
ReplyDeleteI found this period to be most difficult when I graduated college. I was at this crazy in between stage and it was just a hard all around.
ReplyDeleteI really found myself in this frame of mind before I started bogging. I felt like I needed a new identity or a new place to focus my energy! Great post!
ReplyDeleteOh I definitely only have a friends. Not even good ones at that. Just people that I go and hang out with occasionally. I can only truly be myself around a couple of them. They've seen me at my worst.
ReplyDeleteI am still trying to find my place. It's hard to make friends I can really trust when I have been burned so many times. I stay by myself too much because it's safe.
ReplyDeleteI feel out of place and overwhelmed a lot, I'm one of those people that need some me time- whether that be reading, running, organizing/cleaning, if I have too much I get stressed out. I have a small circle of friends I click with but then I get stressed out because I don't feel I see them often enough so I try to see one a week and then that gets screwed up and I get all backed up.
ReplyDelete